The Illusion

Since I had never been able to gain mastery over the language, my wordings might fail to touch your heart. But don't mistake it for my lack of love. It is just my inability to use the words and sentences skillfully. My love will never be able to express itself through words, as the world does not yet know a language which can measure my love.

What I am not able to believe till now is that, the world can change so much within the blink of an eye. I had a person to love, I had a faith to hold on to and a prayer to whisper every moment along with my breathing. I am not sure where she is now. I am standing all alone, and no heavens to protect me. I am alone with my prayers which just merges with the ether and vanishes into the endless blue sky. I don't know if those will ever be answered. I am afraid, If I have lost the love of my goddess forever.

So, the first song from my lute today would be an apology. If I am speaking wrong words at the wrong moment. After that, it would be just encores. This is in no way a claim of my love towards you, and this is in no way an expression of my intoxicated state. This is a necessity. There are things that has to happen. We are just like bamboo flutes, we just have to make the air to pass through us, and the music will be born out of nowhere. Just like that, we have to just let life pass through us. For me it whistles as a sad song, it had always been.

Yes, this is a necessity. Something that the time demands. It is just a note of gratitude, to the most wonderful girl I have ever met in my life. To the girl who showed me the real beauty of love, let it even be for such a short span. Given a choice, I would have selected the same. I would have chose death at the end of a festival.

As the great Jewish carpenter said before lying on the cross for us,

'Love is patient, love is kind,
Love does not insist on its own way.
Love bears all things, believes all things,
Hopes all things, endures all things.
Love never fails.'

I don't insist on my love to bring happiness to me. I don't believe that love can be defined in terms of happiness and sorrow. The world is yet to know a scale, with which we can measure love. It tries with all its might to measure it. But not for me, I cannot measure love with selfishness. I just want to see you happy, that is all I want.

I have only one prayer, my beloved, and it is for our oneness.

I want to be the air that surrounds you,
I want to embrace you from all sides,
To give you warmth when you are cold,
And to make you sleep with a dull song, which lingers.

I want to be the air that surrounds you.
I want to enter you when you breathe.
To merge with your blood and cells,
And to fill you with life of the purest form, eternal.

I want to be the air that surrounds you,
I want to reside in your heart and soul.
To give you dreams and to carry your aura,
And to be proud that I am one with my beloved, in all sense.

And when you exhale me,
I don't want to exist,
I just want to merge into the atmosphere,
Just to be with you, in the rebirth.

Oh lord, remember what I have done.
Let the results of my actions determine my fate,
From birth to birth.
Please remember what I have done.

Denial is painful, when something so close to the heart is denied, life becomes hell. And right now, for me, it is. I am standing in this battlefield like Karna, who lost his ornaments and armor, with no one, to ask for help. I surrender my life to my lord, let him take care of what he has created. Let his wish be done.

Therefore said he unto them, The harvest truly is great, but the labourers are few: pray ye therefore the Lord of the harvest, that he would send forth labourers into his harvest. - Luke 10:2, The Holy Bible, King James' Version.

I know my words are just like a broken mirror, which will never be able to give the right intensity of colors. My love is inexpressible like music in the mind of a mute. I don't find the words to express it, and I don't think that I will ever find any. My beloved, accept my apologies for anything in me, that you have not liked. I am just a human, I don't know, how to be more truthful and committed.

"Time and space, the ether
Fading light and the silence
Oh, they are so weak...
I have marked my love to you
Beyond their reach in my soul..."

Your love is the breathing air for me, when that fades, I die. I would prefer to die for you, rather than living happily with someone else.